my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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