I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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