Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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