What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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