i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
