I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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