just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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