Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
