we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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