Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
