Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
