We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
