god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
