what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
