my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
