Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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