Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
false alarm. still invincible.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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