I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
