I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
