i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
