Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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