she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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