his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
