I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
