Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
