i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
