I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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