I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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