I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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