I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
