maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
