Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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