drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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