her vagina looked like bernie madoff
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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