My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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