Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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