I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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