why didn't you poke me back
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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