insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
