I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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