A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
