stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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