Pappa wants mamma naked
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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