i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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