i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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