Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
