he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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