I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
