Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
