Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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