She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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