how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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