Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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