My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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