i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize