Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
