I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
