she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
