Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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