We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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