she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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