Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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