pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
