the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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