When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
