Just mADE A PArabola og urine
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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