He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
