Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
