ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
