Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
