thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
