She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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