The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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