its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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