at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
