i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
