Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
