So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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