I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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