Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
