first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
