She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
