I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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