We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
